All I have to say, I dedicate to Ethel Balisacan and Michelle Cruz. Ethel is somewhere far, Michelle, on the other hand, is going to the States tomorrow
.Hehe.
"Love is only a feeling, that's drifting away." SOmething like that. Well,love is such a big word. I think that the only way to really know if it is love, is when someone is willing to be the one left out. BUt that doesn't assure you of anything, though. Still, the idea of proving how you feel is worth all the pain. And oh yeah.... It's nothing but a feeling....and so,it either grows, but it could also drift away... but if it drifts away,it could be love,but definitely not TRUE LOVE...Its a fact of life. Accept it, move on.We all experience being that person who is left out. We can't do anything about it, if its bound to happen, it will happen, no matter how much you try to avoid it.And, I remember telling these 2 gurls.. "I'd rather keep it to myself, and just enjoy every minute of it." Well...right now... That's the best way to just live by the summer of loneliness. Sometimes, the best thing about love is not when you are sharing it with THAT someone, but keeping it all to yourself and just live with dreams and anticipation. It's sad and all that... But...that's it!
I have no target or focus here in this "piece" I've written, but for me, it is all true. I only got to realize this, when I talked to the 2 girls I specially mentioned. They are the reason for such words, they are the inspiration for these thoughts.
"Let It Out" by: HOOBASTANK
(Yeah!)
This is ours, we made it with our everything
something real, as real as it could ever be
you gave me all of yourself, I gave you all of me
now set it free from yourself, for everyone to see
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you don't like it)
(if you don't like it)
Go ahead, you know just what you want to do
don't deny, you feel it cause I feel it too
take a look all around, you'll feel it in the air
from the sky to the ground, I feel it everywhere
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you don't like it)
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
to let it out
(Who cares if you don't like it)
(if you don't like it)
(if you don't like it)
(who cares if you don't like it)
(who cares if you don't like it)
(ooh, ooh, ooh)
(who cares if you don't like it)
(ooh, ooh, ooh)
(who cares if you don't like it)
This is ours, we made it with our everything
something real, as real as it could ever be
you gave me all of yourself, I gave you all of me
now set it free from yourself, for everyone to see
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you dont like it)
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
to let it out
to let it out
to let it out
(who cares if you don't like it)
(if you don't like it)
(if you don't like it)
well....astig talga sila....oh well.... song ko 'to ngayon...dahil wala lang... when I'm angry at myself, or ewan.. kanta ko I FEEL SO by: Box Car Racer>>tma ba?? nakakalito eh.... pero ngayon...ito munA!!
hmmmmmmmmm
it's been a long time since I last wrote something....here it is.... It's a bit.....I don't know..argh!!! galeeet na galeeet ako.. I don't know why.... pero ewn....ito yung nagwa ko.....and it doesn't sound "galit".....haha!!!!!!!!! this is a story of a girl.......of me!!!!haha!!! ewan!!!!!
I was 8 once…
And when I look up, I always see the sun staring and glaring at me, as if it’s trying to tell me something. As if it’s an eye of someone who’s always there, looking, and just waiting for me to acknowledge him. When I looked up, I felt special and safe.
I was once 12…
And when I look up, I always notice something different in the sky. I didn’t see just the sun, but also the stars hiding in the clouds. I saw how the clouds move incessantly. I realized that through the process of precipitation, water fall down from the clouds, that if it merges with the wrong air elements such as pollution, it could produce the so-called “acid rain”. When I looked up, I saw the sun, the blue sky, the clouds, planes, and birds.
I was once 16…
And when I look up, I only see that big space out there. I sense this uniquely unusual feeling of loneliness. I think of things that are more important in my life. I don’t allow myself to waste a single minute just to look up; I can just always look it up in the encyclopedia or in other similar materials. I have to realize what I want in life, and after realizing, I must start planning and doing something about it. When I look up, I just hurt my eyes and my neck, so why should I even bother?
I looked up, just now… didn’t see anything… it was because I was not looking with my heart…. I was just “physically’ looking up, didn’t even bother to deeply feel the experience. As I continue on my walk…I realized…. It’s these moments that I must always try to continue on doing and remembering if I wanted to find myself. Just by looking up at the sun, shows how I’ve lived my life. When I was 8, I was so full of fascination, wonder, faith and belief. When I was 12, I learned plenty in school, and I learned well…When I was 16… I lost myself. I lost the spirit I once had. I tried looking for something I already have. I made mistakes. And I will still make them, but in those times, I’d be wiser and stronger. I am 17 now….and after a few months, I’ll be writing down:
I was once 17…
And when I look up, I always see the sun…….
When I looked up….. the sun’s still there…..and I’m still here…..yep….though a little despondent and cynical, I’m still here…. Proud to be perplexed.
=I thought it'd end=
sobrang long ago na tong stuff na ginawa ko.... tipong 4 months ago..haha!! I am totally blanked out right now.... All I wanna do is sleep...and hell,that's what I've been doing for the past weeks....haha!!here it goes:
There’s too much silence in my life that it impedes my hearing. I wanted a peaceful life you know, but I guess, it was too much for me. I asked for a tranquil life, but what was given to me, was a freaking immobile verve. But wait, I suddenly felt this force, this push. It’s telling me to go out and have fun, act young, and just be out there. So I did. I enjoyed the lights, the drinks, and I met different people along the way. Then you came. YOU came! You freaking changed my life. Oh yes, you did. You just ruined it!!!! You put so much superfluous and unwanted shit in my life!!!! You’re so insensitive! You were enjoying all that, while I suffer and torture myself. I tried to give that noise you’re giving a chance, but it was too much!!! I can’t control it anymore! You’re the one who has the strength to change it all back to normal, but you seem to be having your own fun, well, I don’t want to spoil it for you. But you know what? I’m so freaking tired of it!! All I can say now is “freaking!”, because that’s exactly what’s happening to me, freaking out. It’s all because of you! I’m really really tried, but it still wasn’t good enough! So I guess I’ll just sit here, in this fucking room, kill all the lights, shut all the windows and doors. I’ll just wait for time to pass, and maybe in that way, I can escape the torment and agony you’ve been giving me all this time. I’ll wait, wait for my life to end, until the blood beneath my skin starts to stop to surge. Then maybe, by that time.. You’ll decide to leave….and when that time comes…I’d be very thankful….and at last..I’ll be in peace…
It's really boring...it didn't make any sense.... but I just wanted to get all my anger out..you know?? I know you guys will understand... haha!! Gosh! It's like I'm talking to myself here....but anyways... that's what I'm good at...talking to myself...haha!!
