ganoon lang ba kadaling mawala ang mga bagay-bagay?
you wait for months to pass by, then unexpectedly, pfft!, things suddenly went to a stop...and was just gone!
not even a trace of the friendship you once enjoyed...
you don't have a single clue of when and why things ceased to exist...
it just happened...
you look for answers... yet there is none
you try to extend a hand in hope for keeping the "bond" you once had and not go beyond the friendship....yet, there's no one on the other side...
can you be friends with the one you've learned to love?
i know i can...its actually the friendship i'm longing for.... the company... the knowledge that somebody you care about also cares about you...
when you figured that the things between you two are hopeless, next thing one can do is to hold on to the friendship....
but then why are there people who choose to stay away?
why can't things be like before?
when we were neither anticipating and dense about things..
when we were still FRIENDS.....
mag-aaral na lang ako...
pero wait... ayoko nang i-compare sarili ko sa taong ito, pero bakit ganoon? ewan... ako mismo ang may kasalanan... so WHATEVER!
matapos kong gumawa ng papel tungkol sa pagmumuni-muni, heto ako, napapraning na naman..
matapos ang paglayo (at na-achieve ko ito, oh yeah..), dumating ang karma... ganoon ba iyon?
i never felt so distant from my friends.... its not just about a physical distance ah.... tssssssssss....
i'm not getting what i deserve...eh so bakit ako ang dapat mag suffer? bad trip naman! oh well.... kaya sa ngayon.... FUXA.... mag-aaral na lang ako...
who the hell cares about what i think and feel? FREAKING NO ONE!
If I were someone else I wouldn't befriend me.... harharharharharhar!
im out!
tsk tsk...
ever felt like things are not in its proper order?
when you go home, expecting to free yourself from stress, you find yourself carrying more burden;
or when you go to school, instead of finding the motivation to learn you find yourself dreaming of doing something else.
i just thought of the ironies of life... you know? when things get weird that you can't handle nor control it... you've nothing to do but let time pass you by... even when you promised to do "something better" next time, you tend to just sit around and watch what happens to the world around you... in short, you wait for something to come to you... but of course, you have to realize that life won't give you everything you need and want unless you go and look for it, whatever "it" may be... some could say that waiting and doing nothing is better than finding disappointment and frustration... but heck! what's gonna happen to your life?
HALA! WALA LANG... its like i'm talking to myself...
last night!
last night was a blast...actually yesterday was a blast... well, after class my blockmates and i sorta hung out... i met up with "hanna-baby", followed my blockmates and we stayed at cholo's condo...hanna is now an adopted lasallian blockmate of admu's block R... then and and i left to meet up with "jesi-sexy" and "jam bello" at starbucks, then convinced "mich the bitch" to meet with us... "arbi-barbie" has some other gimik, so it was an all-girls KULOGS bonding day...but at least we were almost complete...anyways, we chatted with our usual loud voice and laughed and giggled like there was no tomorrow... it was fun...and sobrang kakamiss... i swear... mich arrived and we went to chiggy's and they ate dinner or something...then sherry came and wala lang... usap and chismisan about MCHS people... highschool and college are really two different things... yep, because people changed when they stepped into colleges/universities... its just funny, in a way... then KULOGS went to bello's house while i went with my blockmate at starbucks as we waited for our other blockmates... we then decided to go to eastwood instead of the original plan, in tapika... we rode 2 taxies... inside the 1st taxi were Hera, Niko P, Nikko C, and Benedict(who's going back to Arizona today, awww...tear tear...), then in the 2nd taxi were hubert, earvin, mela, and me... we ate at Fazoli's(the new place to be, for dinner) then after that, it was around 9:30 I think, Niko P. left... so the 7 of us were left, and we proceeded to OJ's(the place to be for drinking session)...the 3rd floor was full so we stayed on the 2nd floor. At first we sat on chairs with a long table, then we transferred to this japanese-style table where we just sat on pillows on the floor...or plainly, on the floor... Luis arrived at around 10:30, I think... and we ordered beers and sisig...I didn't get drunk or tipsy or anything, but I felt a little light...benedict was so hyper, but he's claiming that he's not tipsy or "sabog"...so, whatever...H didn't drink, Mela just sipped from our beers and had her own Seattle's drink, hubert,nikko p. and luis had 2 beers.earvin and i had 3, but mine was light...it was fun, we talked about our blockmates, and some other silly things...it was a bonding night...talked about exes, crushes, grudges, etc...i once again, told the story of this person I grew to really hate,but I pity him now though... and they were even asking me about this other person, and I just didn't want to say anything...even when I was with KULOGS I didn't want to talk about him...because the more I talk about him, the more I go gaga over things, and I don't want that to happen...not anymore...i'm over that phase...i'm on the "i'm better off without you" stage...then we went home...I slept at around 2am...and that's it, a summary of what happened yesterday...I'm once again smiling, not just on the outside, but also in the inside... it was a feel-good gimik...sobra...and we agreed to do it more often...OH YEAH!
i wanna cry, but i won't, because i won't cry FOR YOU anymore...
i'm never wrong with my theories and assumptions regarding other people's lives(specifically, in....secret...basta)... fine, i admit i could be a little over the limit/edge in my theories/ideas, but i am near to the truth... and fine, i do make mistakes too... but you know what? i'm quite sure of my latest theory/realization about someone and someone... FREAK! CREEP! no matter how hard i deny it, or no matter how hard you try to make me believe in whatever you're trying to convince me to believe in, I still trust myself more than i trust you... besides, how can i trust you when you who can't even give me the single thing i needed: honesty? let's stop playing games here. seriously, we can't go on like this with this dream and hope for whatever, because surely, it wouldn't be successful...THIS IS ALL MAKE BELIEVE. i know that you know that we only share the "nothingness" of this life... that's what makes us so similar... but then again... not so similar at all... why? FUXA! ayoko na! ewan! basta. i can't wait forever..fine nobody told me to wait, but i guess that's all i can do for you... besides the friendship that i enjoy most dearly... but even the friendship we shared disappeared... i miss those times when we don't need to think of the things to say before we say it to each other... i miss the spontanaeity... well, im almost crying now...not because i know that time will come that i will regret saying all this, but because we lost the friendship, and i'd be farther to that friendship we once shared... but hey, this year is about loving myself, respecting myself, taking risks so as to not torture myself with confusing and destructive emotions and ideas... so here it is... my judgement... the decision... i'll quote from the movie LOVE STORY, "then you'd be stupid for not asking me out for coffee.." yes, its bitter, yes its sooooo cliche to say ITS YOUR LOSS, but hey, i'm willing to admit to everyone that i'm gonna lose a lot with this, but it would be a greater loss for you because you're gonna lose, well if not then good and lucky you, one of the makukulet friends one could have, and the most desperately in love with you.. OR NOT! hahaha... i wish i could laugh my hearts out, instead of crying...
