"i think that Ate (lizet) is just living up to the responsibility of being an adult now and being the one to take charge of things at home. i guess most of us are like that naman talaga. without (senior) adult supervision, we soon realize that we're able to handle things on our own."
this was exactly what i needed just now.
here's the story...
everyday i wake up at 5am to help AJ be ready for school.the night before, I fix his things (notebooks, books, bag he'll be using the next school day). When I get home, tired and exhausted, I make time to ask him what he did in school. ASk if he has any assignments. If yes, I help him with it. Usually, I ask him to write things over and over to improve his writing skills.
He's only 5 years old, surrounded by 7 year old kids, and he's left-handed.I read with him. I play games with him, in the computer or his other toys. I also try to make him solve simple addition or subtraction and make it into a game. Sometimes I ask him randomly for the spelling or the Tagalog/English translation of words. Its fun, and fulfilling. I love AJ. Before, we used to be like Tom and Jerry(according to my sister, AJ's mom), but that changed. Now that my 2nd sister and aunt usually goes home late, I'm left with all the other stuff that needs attention at home. My lola stays at home, watches TV with Cj(3 yrs old), and sew in her machine.I basically talk or discipline AJ when something happens. So far, there's improvement. He stopped being aggressive, no more punching, etc.
He's a really good boy. Very friendly too. AJ's really growing on me.Im always worrying about him when other kids won't talk to him even when he's already being friendly to them, or he's always a part of the stories I tell my friends in school.
i give aj his milk, dress him up so he's ready to sleep.So basically, ako nagpapatulog sa kaniya, always.Sometimes I sing to him, sometimes, i just talk to him.
Being the one left to do all the other work at home, i get tired. I have my own stuff to do, and sometimes, im already tired to do anything.So its hard.My other friends don't know this responsibility I have so they really can't understand me when I say certain things.and I guess, that's what triggered my frustration. That's what made me break down.And because of that, my issues sprung out again. SELF-PITY. things like "im always the one being understanding, but when will i be the one who's understood?".
oh well, im grateful for Paola.if she hadn't responded, i would've invited this person to drink with me tomorrow, to get all sabog and all.Paola just said, "ok lang, basta wag lang magbibigti". something like that. haha. wala lang. ang galing lang how we are able to find the funny side of a low moment.THANKS AGAIN PAOLA.thanks also for my sister. because after crying my eyes and heart out, for more than 3 hours already, i checked my mail and i read her email.It was really encouraging.She gave the very acknowledgement and appreciation I was (kind of) looking/waiting for in this LOW MOMENT of mine.I know I shouldn't expect for an acknowledgement, but i BROKE DOWN. its not like i can tell myself to not CARE. well, maybe, just maybe, its something i've been waiting for, for all these years, from everyone.
I always go unnoticed.I make no impact in anyone's life. OH WELL, IYAN ANG DRAMA!!!
i hope he can read this.
"is it wrong to care too much about everything and everyone? is it wrong to care for you? is it wrong to feel good knowing you care(even just as a friend)?is it wrong to be writing about you and for you?"
i think its not wrong. its just imperfect timing. its not good for me.
I LIKED YOU.I don't know if I still do.
I think I still do, but only difference now is that I know my place in your world. I'm a friend, I'm YOUR friend. At least I'm someone.
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