*warning SABOG 'TO*
Let’s make a recap of events in the life of Lizzette Zamora over the past year.
It’s the tenth month of the year and in a few days, it will be a year from my very first “throwing-up” experience in
somebody’s house. It wasn’t my finest hour, believe me. Good thing I was around these good people. The morning after that was better. I slept the night away and they woke me up at 6am and drove around and had coffee at this far gas station. There were 4 of us, I was the only girl. Oops. Haha. The house owner drove to the other guys’ homes to drop them off. And after that, there were only the house owner and me. Well, we can all laugh about “OUR STORY”, but I have to say that it was also one of the best times of my life, because HE was a really nice person. At least, I gained my faith back in guys. Yeah, our story ended not so long ago, but we’re cool. “I KNOW WE’RE COOL…..lalala” Haha. Anyway, he dropped me off at Jesi’ place. Haha. I slept for two hours and Jesi and I just talked for a while, without getting up. We were too drunk the night before, oooh, major hang over. Haha.
Well, there were a lot of things that happened before and after that. But, every fairy tale has its end, this just didn’t turn out to be a happy ending. It was nice knowing him (si
somebody) but….. let’s just leave it at that. Haaaay!
Well, its been 18 months, since what? I wouldn’t even start thinking and talking about it. But oh well, since this is a run through of events of 2004-2005, FINE!
It was the time when you thought you’d find someone FOR you, but end up realizing something greater. It all happened so fast. From the 18 months ago “event” to the one I was telling you about earlier. Before the “happy happy” times with the somebody aforementioned in paragraph 1, there was
someone. It wasn’t love, but it could’ve turned into something like that if he wasn’t such………. Argh! It wasn’t all him of course, I wasn’t really COOL about the whole situation, so negative vibes are coming from both our sides so we shouldn’t really expect anything good to come out of it, right? And so, the story ends, and another story begins. But earlier this year, that "new" story has ended.
I’ve become really comfortable talking about these two people because in some bizaare way, they’ve taught me something. I have realized a lot of things about myself. They were like the life-size 3-dimensional mirrors that functioned to show me a projection of who I really was. One of the things I got to realize was that I’m really not yet ready for commitments. And maybe it is so, because I haven’t really found that chemistry with the one I really like and who likes me back. There are just too many emotions flying around us, and we shouldn’t confuse ourselves with what we really feel and what we were deprived to feel and have, like LOVE. *warning: mushiness ahead*. I guess I got confused. I was too busy not feeling anything for anyone that when someone came up to me, I just started to think and feel that I had to hold on to it before it’s gone. And for a year, that has been the trend for me. HOLDING ON. It even led me to crying myself to sleep, getting drunk and throwing up in a blockmate’s house, ranting without knowing what I was doing, etc. And it even came to the point that I was so angry at what other people were saying to and about me only because I was angry at myself for being stupid, naïve and foolish.
Luckily, that stage is over. For the past 6 months that I’ve been “alone”, I’ve accomplished a lot of things. I met new people, I had a new love: flag football. And along the way, I met people who knew people I knew before. Its such a small world, eh? Sometimes, too small that I don’t know anymore what to do and where to go. Sometimes, I still question myself. Is this where I should be? Is what I should be doing? Is this how I should be feeling? I can’t deny the fact that I’ve grown to like this
person. But hey, we really can’t make the persons we like, like us too, right? It doesn’t depress or frustrate me anymore, not as much as how I got depressed and frustrated because of somebody. Of course, we still can’t help ourselves to feel down.
When people start feeling sorry for me for feeling the way I do, I know it, because I can feel it. They say that I’m just saying and doing the same things, like before. Maybe I am just repeating myself, but at least, I know that I’m still pretty human for simply FEELING. At least I know that I’m not some weirdo who closes and shuts down on people.
I’m tired of defending myself. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling sorry.
I don’t feel lonely, really. If one is lonely, it’s because she chooses to be.
One can be alone and not be lonely. One cannot have everything and still be happy.
I still like him.
I wish I can just stop liking him, but I can’t.
You're looking for a romantic kind of guy, one that
cares a lot for you and is so proud of having u
as a girlfriend but isnt all over you and isnt
over the top. You just love spending time
together. :) arent u lucky!
what'>http://quizilla.com/users/slinkimalinki/quizzes/what%20kind%20of%20boy%20is%20for%20you%3F%20(uh%2C%20in%20case%20it%20aint%20obvious%2C%20girls%20only)%20(unless%20ur%20gay)/">what kind of boy is for you? (uh, in case it aint obvious, girls only) (unless ur gay)
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i changed the original layout picture,so, this one'sby me...shhhhh.
links
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% Fluto:ELITE
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past entries
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
resources
designer: ambivalente
brushes: fm.net
lyrics: getty
