B E F O R E
LIKING: check
ACCEPTANCE: check
BEING OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITIES: check
THE STORY: check
PATIENCE: check
HOPE: check
AWKWARDNESS: check
ALL SMILES, ALWAYS: check
CONFUSION: check
COMPLICATION: check
ANALYSIS: check
RANTING: check
DISAPPOINTMENT: check
FRUSTRATION: check
ALCOHOL: check
BREAKDOWN: check
BEING EMO: check
OKAY PASSES: check
LOOKING FORWARD: check
P R E S E N T
*ESCHEWING: check
*AVOIDANCE: check
*TAKING IT AS IT IS: check
*CLEAN SLATE EVERYDAY: check
ACCEPTANCE: check
BEING OPEN TO THE IMPOSSIBILITIES: check
ENDING OF THE STORY: working on it
PATIENCE: not applicable
HOPE: not applicable
AWKWARDNESS: not in my part
FAKE SMILES: check, not always though of course
CONFUSION: none. or check. somewhere in the middle, still
COMPLICATION: not applicable
ANALYSIS: check. still processing and validating
RANTING: totally gone
DISAPPOINTMENT: will never be gone, will always apply
FRUSTRATION: all gone
ALCOHOL: none
BREAKDOWN: not applicable
BEING EMO: will always be emo.
OKAY, BUT BETTER, PASSES: check
LIKING: hoping for it to become inexistent
LOOKING FORWARD: not anymore!
F U T U R E*BITTERNESS: check, i think
*REGRET: check, i think
*LESSON LEARNED: check, deifinitely.
*NEW PERSON: check, i hope.
EVERYTHING IN PAST&PRESENT: hopefully, have been dealt with
I'm my normal WEIRD self again. No more awkwardness. haha. can i just quote a teacher?>> "sense of belongingness". haha. wala lang. its the block hiritan na ever since. pero wala lang. hmmm. oh yeah, im myself again. SABOG as always. i mean if dati medyo worried,paranoid and unsure of the situation, ngayon, WALA NANG PAKIELAM. haha! Basta, the advice of paola bautista worked, hmm, or better yet, is working. Its still an ongoing process eh, so I can't say that it worked (past tense) since it isn't really over yet. Well, as to how I feel, I told a teammate that "it's never gonna be over". Well, I guess it is true, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna do something about it diba? Im just saying that there will always be part of me thinking and hoping, but I can choose to ignore or acknowledge it. It really depends on me. And now, I'm choosing to ESCHEW it (ehem, finella's word...haha). "it"? whatever that is. Oh, I love to talking to myself noh?! haha! Sometimes I can get too EMO and/or dramatic that i tend to "extend" the real current situation to somehow spice up my story. But i guess, it is my subconscious talking and projecting my "hopes/wishes". HAHA! labo na! pero seryoso, im starting to feel encouraged and open, and at the same time, cautious and eager to avoid(or eschew, haha). ika nga ng iba, "nangangapa sa dilim". bahala na si batman. basta ako, im enjoying school. School: academics, ARNIS as my pe, and flag training. oh well. i'm also happy because i was able to buy something with my own money, in a week's ipon money. haha! i just want to prove to everyone sa house na kaya kong mag-ipon, and yeah, of how much i need to go shopping. And hopefully, marealize na ng mom ko at bigyan akong shopping money. BUT THEN AGAIN, "asa". good luck ng ilang milyong beses saken.haha. sige, im tired, and sleepy coz of the medicine i took. nyteeee world!
So Okay.
This is going to be a very long entry mainly because there’s a 2-week, well, almost a 4-week worth of kwentos. Its all about my sembreak. Haha. I didn’t do anything stupid or whatever, it as just super fun. And yeah, my sembreak just revolved around gimiks with teammates and training with teammates.haha. So okay, the first week of the sembreak, nothing much happened. October 15, official last day of classes. Lady Griffins played against Le Solei Arrowheads. And guess, what? WE WON! The final score’s 13-0. Wow. Typing just that felt great, coz I usually update my blog and I just type down the score, like 0-8, 0-39. Haha! We never scored, and we haven’t won a single game. And the funny thing is, this game against the Arrowheads was a fight for 4th place? I’m not sure. But its already the battles for whatever place. And luckily, we won in that game. So from 7th place, we went up and removed Arrowheads from their spot. The week after that, we just trained. MWF, 4:30pm. The usual time, and the usual drills, etc. And since we are parentless, I was told that during the sembreak, I am not allowed to go out. My mom specifically reminded me to just be patient because when she comes home, I can go out again. I was sort of grounded, but not really. That’s why when my friends go out and ask me to go, I can’t really say “I’m grounded” coz officially, I’m not. And I’m running out of reasons. I tell them that my mom told me that I can’t go out, right? But they just won’t believe me. Haha. So again, training, training. Blah blah blah.
Then, this one after training day, I emailed and texted my dad and mom and asked permission for this surprise party for a teammate in New Manila. Imagine, I informed them late, and the party’s at New Manila. With that, I already know that they won’t let me go to the party, but surprisingly, they said YES! A simple text message with “Yes, ingat kayo. Love you.” And that’s it! I didn’t ask any question because they might take it back, right? So I just texted back the important details like who am I with, what time will I be going home, do I have transpo? And stuff parents would like to know when their kid’s out. Haha!
So its Saturday, again, right? We had a game against Pink Phoenix. Another team we wanted to play against so we could do to them the same thing we did to the Arrowheads. BUT, we weren’t that lucky that day. We lost, I forgot the final score eh. Didn’t matter, we lost. Haha. Still, I think we did well. Siguro na-shock sila of how good we’ve become. HAha! Kidding! But its true, everyone played well. ASTIG! After that, FInella and I went to my house. Timi dropped us off in Katipunan and we took an FX or jeep? Ewan. Then a tricycle inside our village. Haha. It was an adventure for Finella coz she doesn’t commute. She commutes but it’s a cab-commute for her. Gets? So hmmm. We had 2 hours to prepare and know the landmarks and directions to Dan’s house (where the surprise party will be held). After preparing and stuff, we went to katip and went to Marion’s condo in Prince David and met her French boyfriend, JB. Hehe. Marion drove. Finella and Igave directions. After the traffic and the confusing routes, we finally arrived at Dan’s house. WE thought we were late, but the birthday boy’s still not there, so we were just on time. We played cards, started to eat, and basically just hung out. Then, Zig arrived with Lani. And the party officially started. Haha. There was beer and wine. Alcohol is like softdrinks or juice in a party. Ahha. LABO. Anyhoo, I forgot how many drinks I drank, I really didn’t care. Haha! The games were fun, the Never Have I Ever, truth or dare, etc. Haha! Well, everybody knows of my “issue” in the team. Again, I didn’t care coz its not serious or anything. And oh yeah, I sorta danced with the girls. The People was shocked because they thought I was this quiet girl, or something. I’m not a wild girl or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking, after you saw me dance and drink, and reveal some of my Never Have I Evers…haha… So what else? I danced because I like dancing. Haha. Its pretty normal to me. Haha. Vier was a wild class, and I just got used to different stuff. Haha. What else? So fine, after the party, Ri-an dropped us off in Eastwood. Finella and I bought food for our little late night food trip. Then took a cab going back to my place. We ate and just laughed about the party. Basta. Then slept. So blah blah blah. Then Monday, its training day again. Usual stuff, and they talked about the outing. Well, I wasn’t really going because I’m still sort of grounded. Our teammates were saying, “go na! punta na kayo!”. Same thing happened in the ym conference. So hmmm.. lemme think. Okay, for the sake of asking permission, I’ll ask my parents again. And voila! I received the same reply regarding the party. And to think the outing’s in LIngayen, Pangasinan. Its far, far, far. So, lalala, Then Wednesday morning, 3:15 am, my sister dropped me off at Ateneo’s Xavier’s hall. We were actually early. Then minutes later, people started to appear. And the outing’s ON! Oh yeah! Then we went to Zig’s place in Ayala Heights, where the transpo arrangements and the stuff/food/ were fixed. We played catch, despite the darkness. Haha. Finella, Kleech rode in Flakey’s car, with Lili of course. Sobrang fun! I slept, and stared at the outside. Then slept again, then we’d joke about each other. And the drive going to Lingayen is unforgettable because it is where the are we there yet hirits started. Si Lili kasi eh. And basta, laugh trip lahat. There were 4 cars, actually, 1 car, 1 van (the mystery machine), 1 P to the RADO, 1 crv. There were 22 of us in the team. Haha! Had a couple of stopovers. Haha! BASTA!
Pagdating sa house, “whoa, spooky”. Haha. Well, its like one of those houses you see in old Filipino movies. Haha. As in old house kasi siya, pero its gonna be fun. Haha. There were paintings/portraits of Zig’s relatives, and it was as if they were looking/staring at us. But what’s weird is that I kinda felt home. Haha. My fave place is the sala. I’d stay there and wala, tambay. And people would start showing up and tambay na rin dun, play cards, or inuman.haha. Another reason why I loved the sala: inuman place namen yun.haha. One place I didn’t feel comfortable in was the cr. Hmmm.Basta. Haha. So pagdating sa house, picture taking, oh wait, yung teams pala muna, then yung picture taking. Haha! It’s the first Griffins Bowl. Naks! The teams were: R-shizzle/s, Mae-day, 5’7” & up, and Menudo. Haha. Astig. What else? Hmmm. Lunch time and we have no food coz mejo mga 10-ish kami dumating sa house. SO we ate out, Chowking-Jollibee. Haha! Shempre, Jollibee ako. Then, we went back sa house, and prepared, cleaned our stuff muna, then, got ready to go to the beach! It was a 20-min. drive lang from the house. It was free, and clean, and no one else was there. So super fun! The waves were great. Sobrang nakakadala. And it was fun. (count how many times I said FUN, Astig, BASTA, EWAN) haha. Then we started the griffins bowl. Haha. I’m having a hard time catching Ryan’s passes, don’t know why. Haha. My fault my fault. I’m working on it. Haha. Ah wait, practice games pa lang pala yung sa 1st day. Haha. Then after that, balik sa house, and yung mga naka assign to cook, cooked na. Oh yeah, we had cleaning and cooking assignments. Well, I helped sa cooking nung day nay un since there wasn’t anything to do. No TV, or radio. So yeah, bonding na lang through cooking. Haha. The guys bought beers na and stuff. I forgot what our first meal in the house was. Basta may onions. Hmmm. Hirap. Whew! Anyhoo, before eating, we took a bath first, shempre, galing sa beach, so may sand and stuff diba? I was the last of the girls who took a bath. Ayoko na makipag unahan eh, basta, go, ako na last.haha. Then kain na kami. While waiting, buhay cards lang kami. Haha. Or tulog, or nagtetext, or nagyoyosi (I don’t smoke, sila lang, I mean). And ayun. After eating, some slept na. Ako ayoko pa, and ayun. 1st inuman night. Midnight actually. Haha.Didn’t get tipsy nor drunk. Wala lang. normal lang. Steady pa. haha. Then tulog na sa floor, sa sleeping bag ni kleech. Haha. I brought a “kawawang” pillow, but its not important to me, coz I brought naman a comfy and soft blanket. Im a blanket person, kahit mainit na.haha.
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I’m tired.haha. halos two pages nato sa Word. Haha. Font 10 pa yun ah!
Just one of those moments when you want to make out of something but ends up complicating things more.
Just one of those moments when you thought you've figured things out, only to realize you didn't really understand anything at all.
As I go to sleep tonight, my mind flies off to uncertainty, of whether or not he thinks of me too. Hope blows with the wind in an unknown direction, if it favors me and sways my way, I do not know it. THis uncertainty is somewhat tiring. Tiring it is, but depressing, it is not. It goes to show that dreams are for dreamers like me, whose realm is between surreality and reality. I can no longer go to sleep, for I am already asleep. All I can do now is wake up, but I choose not to.
Lalalala. KADIRI! haha.
