just when i thought
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA WAS BUILT FOR SHI HUANGDI BETWEEN 214 AND 204 BC?
just when i thought I'm over you.
I find myself falling more and more deep.
just when i thought I'd move one without you.
I find myself being more obsessed with a simple glance at your smile.
just when i thought you loved someone else,
I thought I'd let you go.
I find myself wishing and hoping for you to hold my hand,
and I find myself going crazy when you told me how you felt.
just when i thought that everything was going smoothly.
I find myself crying in the dark.
for once again,
I found my heart broken.
hehe.the thing is, just when I was already liking the job of a telemarketer, that's when the stupid food company rejects our proposal. too much for my "first time" and my expectations.hmmm.what else? ahhh. I have a new hobby, whatever! well,for the past week, I've been into reading. I finished LASHER of Mayfair witches by Anne Rice, and now I'm reading VERONIKA DECIDES TO DIE.I know,they are a couple of old books, but hey! congratulate me for even finishing a book! haha! anyways,going back to what i was saying, I'm into phto editing whatever now. I get this pictures in our computer, or whatever, then i put stuff in it that would make it look different and so that it would turn out to look like a magazine cover. hmmmm... for short, im into "layouting" sh*t. hehe.its gonna be pretty useful in my course,so I guess I'd better go back to it.HAHA!
before I leave. I just want to say that I'm happy!
I could not ask for more. THIS is not what I really wanted, but.. I don't know... I am happy.. and I guess that's all that matters...
FRIENDS! I LOVE YOU! FLUTO!KULOGS!VIER!BFs!block R!tss....
FLUTO.
i cried a tear,and i realized,I was happy,I don't need to cry anymore.thanks
confessions to myself
Some realizations.Past midnight.October 23.Be happy.Or not.
It's in my nature to make a reason for joy and celebration a cause of
my depression.
I have been too attached with my depression that I cannot even
say "adieu" to it.It is like a second identity that has taken
over me.But then I ask myself,how do I know that it isn't the real
ME at all?I don't know,I guess.All I know is that,there was never a
time when I was truly happy and have not worried about things
afterwards.Call me paranoid.Call me freaking weird.Hate me.Whatever.
Been there,done that.I've hated myself for all of this.For so long.
You have no idea.Why can't I just be happy?Why can't I just let
go of all my burdens?It's like I'm addicted to the feeling of being
alone and sad.It's sick.
I need security.I need someone to tell me everyday that everything's
gonna be alright.I need to have faith.I need to trust people more.
But how can I do that when I can't trust myself to be happy?
It's all because up until now,I feel guilty of the things I did in
the past.I continuously punish myself with the idea that "ive been bad,
i don't deserve to be happy".Well,congrats,that's exactly what I'm
still thinking.I need approval,support and acknowledgment.And the
one thing I need the most,is forgiveness.
And oh yeah,
I read somewhere that in loving, you shouldn't let someone love you
the way you'd want them to, for you ought to be loved in the way
they can only love you.
past midnight,and still here.
Being in love is such a blissful feeling. Yes it is. But do you realize that not everyone gets the chance to experience it? ‘Coz not everyone’s ready for it. It might be too much pressure for them or it might put things at different paths. For some people, love is being able to love with all your heart, and being loved back. But it’s not as simple as that. You have to take in a lot of considerations. For you may be loving with all your heart, but you might not be loved back the way you want to be loved. Some people are strong enough to accept this, but some people are still too weak for this. They've set standards as to how they want to be loved. They’ve set standards for love when love itself has no bound, no limit, no beginning, and no end. They say they’re in love, yet they complain that they’re not receiving the kind of love they are expecting. I read somewhere that in loving, you shouldn't let someone love you the way you'd want them to, for you ought to be loved in the way they could only love you. Well, their love could be greater than what you can imagine, or maybe otherwise. Love in the way of how your heart speaks of what you truly feel, and be loved the way the other person's heart speak.
Some people do think that they're not truly loved by their special someone, it’s because they're expecting something from the other individual. When it actually shouldn't be that way. For if it is so, then it is like you're in a relationship with yourself.
In love, there's always someone giving less or more. It is frustrating and very sad, but it isn't about how great or small, it is the mere fact that you have loved and are loved back, no matter how they show and do it.
It’s actually inspiring to see couples with so many differences in their views of life and love, and are still together for a long time, for it only proves that love does exist. Love is not always about loneliness, martyrdom, sacrifice, etc.; that love is also successful; that it reaches one point in our lives when one is truly happy and one have felt love in spite and despite of a lot of things.
four
Just the other day, I thought of the things i wanted to become...of the things I wanted to do...and the things I wanted to have...and it all brought me to the realization, that all I ever wanted was you...
I wanted to be a writer....
So you could read of the words of pain and hatred in me...
So you could understand the real meaning of how it is to love and be loved..
So you could grasp my emotions and hold it in your hearts of heart...
I wanted to be a painter..
So you could see how dark this cold black heart of mine has become....
So you could see how clear an image of a heart could be...
So you could see the portrait of you,
an incomplete picture of me..
I wanted to be a poet,
so I could bring you to the moon and back,
show you the bright stars at night,
make you feel like you're in paradise...
I wanted to be that one person that could make you fall,
so then, you could see how complete I can be...
But, I am not one of these things/people...They are only images in my head.. all I'd ever be is a single desperate girl..... waiting in vain...waiting til the sun rises at night, waiting til the old grows young, waiting til the end of tim...
waiting til the day comes that you'd realize that I was the one you should've loved....
***YAAAAAAAAK!!!! ala lang..para lang complete...meron nang one, two, three...eto four!!
three
Star so bright,
Glowing at the dark night,
Show me the way,
Towards my deepest bliss.
Make him stay,
Make him feel the same way.
For I’ve fallen so deep,
heart continues to weep
Never a day did it stop
In crying its miserable tears
For a single glance
A single time and space
That I may be with you
Be with myself
Alone and not lonely
Freeing myself of this misery
Finally to make you see
That this is all of me,
And all that I’ll ever be
In grief.
I’m desolate, damaged,
Wretched and broken by you…
By the warmth I’ve longed from you.
This is me.
This is what I’ll always be.
Naïve and stupid.
Completely sucked by the reality
Of the dream I long for.
Eager to see the subsistence of tomorrow,
Even when today ceased to exist
two
I am a sucker for love. Not everybody knows that about me. Why so? Because I used to believe that it’s so cliché and it makes people superficial. But the real reason behind it all is that, I was afraid of rejection. I used to get the things that I want. I’m such a spoiled brat. But somehow, I learned how to gain a bit of maturity, and now, I can say that I have learned well. When I don’t get the things I want, I just tell myself that I want it, but it’s really not what I need.
But a question rises. How do I know if it’s a want or a need? I don’t know. It just comes to me. Its like a sudden glow of light passing through my head, making my head feel light, making me want to cry. It’s all too “unreal”, because its not the exact feeling I get, but it is somehow the closest to what I experience. And I guess, it is best to be expressed in those terms. It does help me get through, and it helps me realize some things I don’t get to see everyday.
But now, I am quite angry, I am bitter, I am frustrated and disappointed... of myself… Because I got the biggest surprise in my life. Rejection. Its pretty simple. Its easy to understand, and its self-explanatory. Who would actually want rejection? Who would actually want to get rejected by the very thing you want? I know I don’t!
I always thought that when all connection stopped, then its time to let go. But, something changed. I became hopeful, I was willing to wait. For the first time. I am not sure if its really for me, or what, but I was willing to find out. Even if it cost me my own happiness. But hey, happiness comes after every sacrifice, every storm, every tragedy. I waited and waited. I just don’t know if there’s gonna be enough left, of me, when the time I’ve been waiting for, comes.
Bit by bit, I’m becoming like a ghost, growing invisible of this world. Bit by bit, I’m becoming like a dream, a nightmare, only seen in the realms as you sleep. Bit by bit, I am eaten by my own desire, my faith and hope. Bit by Bit, I’m finally learning, realizing, and accepting, you are never gonna be mine.
one
*hi..its bitter week for me...so if you don't like what
you'll be reading..you really don't have to go with
all of the things written here....some are reposts
from other people's post..DUH..RE-post nga
eh..and some will be my awful works of art.... oh
yeah!if it sucked that much...just forgive me for
that...natutulog yung mom ko nang magsabog si
God ng talent for creative writing, articulacy, and
depth.OH YEAH!-lizet
I used to think it was my loss
That you would rather call her than call me.
That you would rather catch a glimpse of her than
spend an hour with me.
That it was her face you sought to find in the
crowd
And never mine.
I used to think it was my loss
That id wake up in the morning and smile thinking
of
you
And that you'd wake up in the morning and
smile cuz
you dreamt of her.
That no matter how much I deny, its her heart you
want
to win
While all this time you've already got mine.
But now I know its YOUR loss
For every conversation
Every smile
Every moment I have shared with you in my
mind; in my
dreams
You will never truly feel.
I know now, its YOUR loss
For when you walked past me today
For when you walked out of my life forever;
You just didn't walk out on ME.
You walked out on that one person who thinks
you're
worth the wait; the love; and even the pain. And
for
that; you missed out on what could have been
the best
and most magical moment of your life.
Author Unknown
