"find the one who respects every part of who you are"
i'm quoting myself... haha... its not the question of looking and finding a person that respects you fully, but its more of like keeping a person you know who respects you well... finding would mean coming after them, when in fact, every option/choice is spread out in front of you, its actually your choice and risk now of who to choose...choosing who stays with you doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a mutual relationship, its just for you to know how to find the right guy when "he" comes... everything is a test, and when you most unexpect it, he'll come bumping into you...
so now i want to tell you this... it hurts me so much to see us end this, not because of the reasons that you did nothing nor that the "us" didn't work out, but because the end of this only shows that you were just part of a test when I wanted you to be that "him" I'm waiting for... you came early in my life, too early and too soon...
so ano 'to? wala lang na entry? yes, definitely.
the story started last year. nothing much happened, nothing much changed.
there is nothing to say now. all i have to say is in paper. no more regret.
the what if's has stopped. the assumptions and dreams have ceased to exist.
all things has become parts of the past.
i have no idea though of what will happen next,
one thing i know for sure, i did my part.
whatever ending we'd choose to go by, i'll be happy.
thank you for teaching me how to be human.
thank you for making me feel both pathetic and special.
its really weird, but i'm grateful anyway.
you look sooooo like
moving on....
i want to talk to you some time,
but then, bringing up stories of the past might only bring in awkward feelings...
we're actually in good terms now....guess i don't want to break that by
searching for closure in the truth and your reasons...
i would be lying if i say that i will just let you go, just like that....
because honestly speaking, i believe in finding closure through the finding out what your thoughts and reasons are....
for short, i'll be fufilled only when i hear your answers...
though a lot have told me to just let it go....i'm sorry, i cant...
i never held on to something before,this is the first time, and i want to do all i can to just make sure that i'll have no regrets..
haaay... i wish i could talk to you just like that....
because you know, you're a really hard person to talk to...
oh yeah, you're looking great.... i hope you'd say that to me too....
but unfortunately...no....just impossible...
i get all affected, now do you too?
i really don't know....i wish i knew...i wish i knew you.....
i can't read you...and yet, i got soooo attached to you...
April 13, 2005
Goodbye to Mrs. Consuelo Zamora.
She's my dad' mother, so that makes her my lola in my dad's side.
I really have nothing to say right now, just that may she rest in peace.
She's now happy, I guess, because she and my lolo will be together.
For the people who's reading this entry, please help me pray for her soul.
Let us also not forget the souls of our loved ones and friends who passed away.
May their souls rest in peace.
april 10, 2005...
got nothing to do, so eto na...
"
something real"go for something real...not for a dream or wish, but a goal....not for something you wish to have, but for what you already have...go for something imperfect and authentic, not for the perfect & impossible...do not ever settle for something, but don't ever dream too much..do not let something go without doing what you want to do; let go of something when you've done everything you're capable of doing and still, it remains to be unreachable...look for what you can feel and experience, and not a vague illusion of something..live for the moment and not for the past...go for the things you know is right for you, and not for others...it is your life after all... your decisions make YOUR life great and miserable at the same time...love the things you know that are there and are making you happy, not the things you think will be a good thing in the future...as i said earlier, live for the moment, not the future, for the future is still uncertain..dont ever assume nor expect...always ask...sometimes knowing and being aware, no matter how predictable it would appear, is great and exciting..live for a life that's fulfilled by accomplishments and contenment, joy and inner peace...not for mere rewards and acknowledgments,,,live for something beautiful or nice, not something perfect...
still not over the marinduque fever...they are actually saying that we should have a part 2 on some time around May...how i wish payagan ako ulit.... and how i wish may pera pa ako!expenses(if ever)bus/door to door service==200 max.roro ride/fast craft==130 maxFX/jeep==100 maxlahat iyan, times 2! harhar!i mean okei na rin kasi libre naman beers dun kasi may sponsors na foreigner dudes! they drink all the time..kahit young kids na anak nila umiinom..BEER NA BEER PA! imagine that!tapos food naman sobrang sulit, we eat all the time.pag magutom ka,meron lang pagkain na anjan, always!tulugan...sus, kahit saan mo ako ilagay makakatulog ako..kahit nakaupo sa sofa ok lang..and shempre, the experience itself is rewarding..kaya ok lang!tapos cool pa ng mga kasama! oh yeah! i met new friends...mga astig kainuman...katripan ko rin sa mga tugtog/kanta...mga musikero halos lahat sila....small world pa dahil kada ng iba sa kanila yung ka village ko na asa canada ngayon..kaya ayun, we're getting closer because we have something/someone to talk about..patikami nung ka village ko, nagkakausap na rin ngayon...awwww....
kulang si anj and chummy..pero that's basically all of us... ASTIG! marinduque, what an experience!
THIS IS ONLY MARCH 20, 27 AND 28....nabura yung iba..katamad na ulitin! I'M BACK!MARCH 20-long drive to lucena...1st time in SM LUCENA.... oh yeah! tapos roro, 1st time din! tapos nag announce kami saPA sa may cockpit about the event...so oh yeah! rinig sa buong barko yung mga boses namen! tapos anyways...ayun...oh yeah! ang galing!1st time din yun! tapos basta! tinatamad nako isulat...
MARCH 21
MARCH 22
MARCH 23
MARCH 24
MARCH 25
MARCH 26
MARCH 27-woke up at 6am. freshened up. bihis.
-8am motorcade going to buena vista pero hindi natuloy, went back to Gasan then off to Boac.
-9:30 went down to Boac, city proper talked to people, etc...nagbenta ng tickets...kaway sa mga tao tao..feel na feel ang motorcade..feeling artista..harhar! what else? sobrang ginamit na ang charm and appeal..nakikipagbolahan na kami sa mga lalaki dun, eh nakikipag gaguhan sila eh, eh di bring it on..loko pala sila!
anyways.... nagpalit na kami.. kasi going to BOac, si Jesi, obert and anj sa 2nd pick up truck, sa 1st kami ni mulawin,chummy and mark sa labas, sa loob na nagmegaphone sina XO and michelle..
-kami ni chummy sa megaphone..sobrang with music pa...tapos announce...all out! as in walang pahinga..pag may tao>> HAPPY EASTER PO MAGKITA KITA TAYO SA BARBAROSSA SA MAY GASAN..BLAH BLAH...
-here's the buong speech... "magandang umaga po sa inyo lahat. inaanyayahan po namen kayong makisayasa amin mamayang gabi sa Barbarossa Pub and Restaurant sa may Gasan. mamayang 6 ng gabi po, tutugtogang bandang Spiel from Manila. Ang tickets po ay 300 para sa buffet, eat all you can po iyon. at 150 namanpo na may kasamang 2 beers." "magkita kita po tayo sa Barbarossa Pub and restaurant. mamimigay po kaming SMB tumblers, Smart watches and cellphone holders.blah blah"
-basta! it was a great experience. ang daming first time dito!waaah!
-pag uwi, nagbihis kami ng comfy clothes,at akalain mo iyan, umitim nako agad. para akong may long sleevesna suot. kaya wala, talo nanaman ako kay Mark kasi andami niya nang pang asar saken. 1)hindi marunongmag bike, 2)nakatapak na "good morning", 3)long sleeves... harhar! sorry na!
-there was this cute guy sa loob ng restaurant, kala ni mich artista...so wala lang..-inayos na namen speech namen, tapos yung guys tumulong sa pagclose ng street, pag put up ng stage ng tents..blah blah... at around 5pm naligo at nag ayos na kaming gurls.. kami rin in charge sa entrance, kaming 3emcees, mich, jesi and me... si anj and chummy cashier...yung guys security and entrance narin..
tapos mga 6pm, practice kaming 3, tapos ayun..sa entrance..may mga rude foreigners... NO TICKET NOENTRY nga eh! tapos may ibang pinoy/pinay na oldies, fine rich sila pero feel na feel..gets? just coz we're youngand we're in charge of the entrance, that doesn't make us lower...parang ganun kasi yung feeling na nakukuhanamen sa kanila... so anyways, tension rising...eh emcee pa kami..so pano yan...buti nalang si mich inspired..ako hindi masyado...i have a crush on someone, pero gets? crush lang yun..hindi yung WHOA na pagka like orhigher level of crush..anyways...ayan na...
8pm na-gulo gulo na lahat ng tao.semi umulan, pero mahina lang..i noticed this one table na parang, uy cutie...WENK! so whatever... -at around 8:30, nag start na yung program..kaming 3 emcee..sobrang tensed..pero sobrang short lang naman..tipong intro, tapos acknowledgements, sponsors, Barbarossa history>>from Roman King and German Emperor,and it means "red beard"... blah blah... tapos yung butterfly na pa effect na walang gumawa,,,whatever..ang dami kong adlib! waaah! buti nga lang tama ang grammar ko, and mas nagmukhang natural at okeiyung mga sinabi ko compared to the script we've practiced...so anyways...ayan na...bumaba na kami..
-balik sa entrance, tumulong sa guys...ako yung taga takbo ng sukli..form entrance, dun sa cashier(anj and chummy)..kung sa ibang tao, aakalain nilang nagpapa cute at rumarampa lang ako, pero hindi!but anyways.struggle..hassle..tensed! pagod! pero okay lang! eto ha, no dinner pa iyan..ang lunch namen, breakfast lang yun!argh!tapos ayun, enjoy enjoy sa music...tapos yung mga tao din enjoy...eh sila ate cel na rin yung naging in chargesa games/questions.raffle...
so ayun..kami kain...tapos mamaya, yung guy na nakita ko earlier sa restaurant..at yung sa table kanina...andun sa loob ng restau, drinking with some older guys...sorry, CHIVAS REGAL!so i figured,ang tanda na nito! whatever! so ayun, punta kami sa loob kasi andun yung buffet, duh! tapos pagpasok namen,this 40 something yr old guy asked me "are you from la salle?"... AYY HINDI PO...siguro from the wayi talked kanina sa hosting chuchu namen,mukha akong lasalista? oh come on! so mukha akong conyo?!harhar!stereotype nanaman! anyways..ayun..we got our food na...lumabas...naupo sa tables na wala nang tao,kasi mejo nag uwian na rin ibang tao, yung iba nasa malapit sa stage...so ayan...kami kami nalang..biglang mamaya...kami ni jesi natira sa table, si obert and mich, i don't know, somewhere out there..lumapit si tita laura, owner of Barbarossa..biglang sabi sakin..."ano daw pangalan mo... gusto ko daw kasi makausap ni Jasper... ayun o.."(with matching turo ng kamay)..WOW! DIYAHE! come on! they are watching us as we speak..major DIYAHE diba? san ka pa?! i just smiled and laughed nalang para hindi halatang DIYAHE!sabi ko nalang, "tita, kung gusto niya akong kausapin, siya lumapit...nakakahiya tuloy...sana po pala hindi niyo nalang sinabi.." so shempre... diba? DIYAHE EH! tapos blah blah...umalis na si tita laura...bumalik na sila obert..tapos pinag usapan namen yung mga nangyari...biglang hirit si obert..."talaga?eh sabi rin ng tito ko kanina eh....ikaw ata yun eh..akala niya promo girl..."parang ako?! una na type-an ni Jasper(sabi pala ni tita laura na "big time yun, board member..siya yung youngest),i really couldn't care less...pero yun nga, cutie sana..pero DUH! tapos 2nd, mukhang promo gurl? waaah!what's wrong with me?!
so anyways, hindi nalang ako nagpa apekto...pero biglang sila mark, lahat na,tinutukso ako kay uzzi my english blockmate, promo gurl, big time big time...waaaah! what's next?taposmejo nainis nako,so nanahimik ako...i was offered some food, dint accept it..tapos blah blah...nung tapos na yungevent, shempre, ligpit ligpit na...tapos nakapaikot kaming lahat, band, security, lahat ng tao na nasa CRUZresidence andun..parang usap usap about the common RUDE foreigner na kinainisan nameng lahat! taposyung parang matrona din..blah blah! lahat kami may "moment" dun sa rude german guy! ARGH! asawa ata siya nunggurl na kinausap namen na taga manila na taga filinvest QC...so ummm..okei!tapos kausap nila tito allensila jasper, mga board member...tapos may lumapit sa akin(while walking towards the circle..) "pinapatanongpo ng boss ko, si sir jasper(so bodyguard siya), kung san daw po kayo sa Manila.." i just said..MANILA... "san po sa manila?" ...UHHH, MANILA NA LANG...HEHE... smile...tapos ayun...freaked out nako! pero gets? keep your cool lizet! anyways...upo na kaming lahat, tapos maya maya,pinakilala sameng lahat si jasper, the youngest board member, at the age of 27...sure sure.. YOUNG na ba yun?!harhar! tapos inisaisa na kami ni tita baby..."lizet is from ateneo, jesi is from ue, michelle is from st. paul.."tapos inulit pa... "lizet is from ateneo de manila....blah blah"... oh yeah..total freaked out! tapos promo gurl...wala lang...bad trip lang ako..hindi dahil sa mga nangyayari pero dahil na rin siguro sa tension at negativevibes na nakuha ko earlier that night, from the rude people and the "matapobreng" mga tao...parang i wasn'tn the mood of fun and jokes...so anyways.. ayun...we went home, walang bihis, natulog ako! OH YEAH!
MARCH 28-tapos na rin ang event! haaaay! it was a great experience, in fairness! ang galing ng SPIEL! astig!-we're off to Pulo..a neaby island na dapat naka boat pa...pero halfway, ang lakas bigla ng waves...so we had to turn back, and go nalang dun sa OUR PARADISE na resort na pinuntahan namen nung march 24..inuman ulet... swim swim...ako, sobrang nagpa itim na..pati sa legs!! waaaah! i want my color back!
sobrang kirara inthe making...-tapos we all decided na uuwi na kami ng 12 midnight...so ayan..last day of fun...blah blah..-went home...ligo, nag ayos ng gamit..dinner....tapos may freaky experience.sobrang antok akoand sobrang nanghihina/exhausted na pag kausapin man ako ng hatest kng person sa mundo, kakausapin koparin..so anyways...naiwan ako mag isa...nakaupo dun...sa may labas,sa garage(may tables and chairs kasi dun kamikumakain...para kasiya lahat..) tapos lumapit si joseph dad..basta.... waaah!! i'm shouting inside.. HELP ME!basta! ayoko na! tapos ayun...we're off to CAWIT... yung sakayan ng roro again..sobrang dami ng tao, kahit sa hagdan maymga nakaupo..so dun kami sa may harap ng boat.naupo sa floor..at maya-maya tulog na...taposnakita rin namen bago kami makatulog, si jasper..harhar! parang, ang ganda ng farewell...i was reminded of all the ka-freaky-han...lalo na yung last conversation ko...waaah! tapos ayun..nag van, door to door..so hinatid kaming lahat sa eastwood, CRUZ' residence...tapos natulog, tapos si jesisinundo na...nag punta fuego daw sila..beach ulet...tapos kumain ng lunch...umalis ng 3pm..tapos ayun..i haven't seen any of them ulet...
mamaya raw, 9pm, mag auaudition sila kuya joseph(he's diff. kay joseph dad, okei?), GJ, XO and roy...dati kasi, may band din talaga sila kuya joseph and GJ, na disband nga lang..so anyways...to watch or not?hindi ako pwede...taong bahay ako ngayon...tapos bukas sa city jam? ewan...baka hindi rin...taong bahay muna ako ngayon! harhar!
