i just had to write
hmmm... its night time again...
got no one to talk to... oh well.. no more ranting for me, coz that one person i always share my wicked thoughts, may rants with is out there..somewhere in california...she's busy now with all her school stuff... and i think i should do the same.. focus on my studies, i mean.. =p i read ethel's and timi's blog.. really nice... kaya i got somewhat inspired to just write something..
my life is not a river flowing to different paths..
my life is not an ocean,for it is not as big as i picture it..
my life is simple, my life is boring, and yet it continues to move..
quite problematic and ironic, don't you think? and i guess, you understood very well, the point of all these... my life is neither happy or sad.... it is neither perfect or worst.. it is neither feeling or numb... and when you come to think of it... it is a lot worse than having a freaking poor life... i don't know.. that's just how i feel right now.. I am happy, but no contented, if that is at all possible... I have lost my faith, but still have little hope... I am free, but I continue to place myself in a cage and continue on loving.... but know what? I'm sick of it all... I want to change, and I want to change now.... so I guess.... I'll start denying the fact that I loved or,if ever, am still in love... for it only brought me pain and worries... so now I promise this to myself.... I'll stop living in the realm of my dreams and really start living in the so-called-reality... so now.. you'll never see me walking after you, waiting for you to notice my presence there... for I will cross the street, leave you there in the dark side of the street and leave you be....while I on the other hand, will go to another place, and maybe there, I'd find someone LIKE you, or just close to who you are, and maybe, just maybe..... I'd be fucking HAPPY!
monday starts the week, and i hate it
hehe... It's monday... I didn't go to my mat class this morning.. I was busy sleeping in bed..but I'm in school now, waiting for my English class..hehe.. currently singing TORN...
I thought I saw a man brought to life..he was warm he came around lik/and he was dignified..he showed me what it was to cry...then you shouldn't be the/that man I adored...you don't seem to know, seem to care what your hearts is for.. I don't know him anymore...... there's nothing where he used to lie, my conversation has run dry... that's what's going on.. I'M ALL OUT OF FAITH, THIS IS HOW I FEEL.......
blah blah.... "I SHOULD'VE SEEN JUST WHAT WAS THERE AND NOT SOME HOLY LIGHT">>tama pa ba ang lyrics ko?heeheeheehee... pero in fairness.. ang saya.. hehe.. next week I'm going rock/wall climbing with my kada....dlsu sem break na kasi eh...so anyways...what else?? tapos KULOGS, gigimik ng malupitan...tipong all day all night kami magkakasama..hehe joke.. pero gets?? ,malupet na gimik..hehe..then sa sep12, uaap cheerdancing ewan... tapos sa november, JNJ FINALS..aabot ba sa finals ang MC, yun ang tanong? hehe.. GO MC!GO FIGHT WIN! MASAYA AKO!!!!! i SWEAR!!! AS IN TRULY! hehe... no joke yan.... nagaaral na akong mabuti...yeah!! hehehe... I'm back to my normal self.. no worries....hehe... free as a bird.... I'm FREE OF YOU! at last.... oh well... hehe..sige...this is non sense... ETHEL!! ala lang.. she's going to school na kasi tomorrow eh.. first day nya..hehe sige sige.. bell na.. english class na..hehe
wishful thinking
haha.. I almost cried in front of my blockmates kanina sa mcdo.. of all the places.. oh well.. I hope they'd understand that I didn't want to talk about it.. I walked out and went to the CR.. oh well.. its weird.. but the thing I didn't want to talk about, is the only thing left that no one knows about.. shempre, privacy ko rin sana.. hehe.. what else? I got 148 over 200 sa midterms.. sabi ng iba "wow ang taas".. I told myself.. I know I can do better, but why didn't I? I was bothered by something.. something I don't want to think about, ever again.. what else? hehe.. oh well.. I'm missing ETHEL again.. awwwww..
"I like you, but I don't know what to do about it.
I like you, but, do I really?
I like you, but you don't..
I like you... but I forgot about how I really felt a long time ago..
I like you... but what I feel inside's gonna have to wait..
I can't keep on killing myself, waiting and hoping..
but at least I have this thing in me, to keep me on looking forward
to the next moment I'll be with you...
that may be in the far future, but at least.. I have that to hold on to.."-- 08-17-04 (30 mins before the Hoobastank concert)
ETHEL MARI BALISACAN
dude! i love you! never had the chance to tell you that... yikee!! FLUTO:ELITE.. okei? makahanap ka na jan ng cool people... sino pa rin ang elite? haha! ayan ha... ETHEL... may special space ka sa blog ko... awww....
an old one....
"blast to infinity"
I thought I'd die when you left me in the rain.
As the water poured down my cheek,tears flowed down,
unconsciously.While out there,I didn't think of how
my neighbors would pity me for being once again alone,
but what I did mind,was the fact that you're not here with
me,as you used to be.It was sad.It was depressing.From
the way I cried that night, it was obvious on how much
pain I was going through.Not only did I love you,I gave you
my whole life.My life revolved around you.All I did was for
and about you.I loved hard before, but not as much as I did
you.You were the perfect one for me.You came just in time
to put my life back together when everyone else believed I
was losing it.You made me trust you, you made me depend on you,
you made me fall for you.It was not hard to fall for you, you know.
You had the exact amount of perfection I've been looking
for in every guy for a long time.You were PERFECT!Nothing much
to say to that, for that basically explains everything else.
But I didn't know where we went wrong, where I went wrong.
Was it because I loved you too much?Or was I just not enough for
your perfect beauty,perfect life,perfect you?You left
with no word being said,not a simple grin on your face was
to be seen.From that I knew,you had a very deep reason to leave.
BUt why did you not bother tell me?Leave it in a note maybe?
You left, right when I was watching you walk away from me.Why?
Why such drama?Why such silence?Am I really that bad,that I
deserved all that?I guess I'll never know.But this
I tell you again,when you left me there, in the rain,
I thought I'd die.But no, wait,
I did die.With that knife on the counter, do you
remember that knife,you came to me that night,
and slit my throat, but not deep enough for me to die
instantly.You made me wait, you made me
bleed, you made me witness the most hurtful thing a
person could ever do to me.You made me witness the betrayal
of that one person I trusted and offered my life to.
You left me,with no dignity in me, no life in me.
I was better off dead, I thought.Only to realize.........
today is friday
haaaaay! today is friday... yup yup... weeken nanaman, ibig sabihin... oh well... tonight, I'll be going to libis... 18th birthday celebration ng 2 kabarkada ko... oh well... mejo marami kaming pupunta later, pero mejo early ako uuwi, shempre, kelangan mag pa good shot... I don't want to be grounded again... okei? haha... and I'll see them again naman eh... yey yey! I miss them... my kada I mean... and good thing we're gonna see each other again later... what else? math long test kanina... argh! kainis yung isang number.. major katangahan... and carelessness... the answer is right in front of me, but no, I kept on using this other equation... ARGH! automatic -25 nako.. wala na! what else? next week, mid terms namen... 6-8pm, san ka pa?! hmmmm..... FLUTO!!! i miss you!! oi ethel mari balisacan, if you're reading this.. ala lang!! haha!!! i'm gonna miss you biatch! regalo ko okei? ipa FED EX, UPS mo, whatever... i'm gonna see you later! okei okei? hmmm... wala!!! pati si benedict, isang blockmate ko... aalis na rin... what's up ba kasi? argh! sa susunod aalis na rin si.... hindi joke lang.... basta.... non sense na 'to.... I'M OUT!
