Do you know the feeling that you get when you're just out of luck and there's no one to really cheer you on, and thus, you become really insecure and you put yourself down? Everything's doing quite well. I'm enjoying my school stuff. Could you believe it? I'm enjoying it more now. I used to love cutting classes because I hate getting up early in the morning. But surprisingly, after a week of no late, cuts, not a even a morning that I didn't feel like getting up, I actually liked, loved even, the feeling of going to school. In addition to the routine of school, I felt pretty good when I came to class prepared. So why then, do I have this feeling of self-doubt and insecurity? Hmmm. Maybe stress is getting to me. I am now regretting the times I cut in my classes, or the free time I wasted, or the money I spent on useless things, or the advices I didn't welcome and do. Hmmm.
There isn't any one specific thing that's making me this way. I'm just scared. Scared of everything. Of the future that I might not find a stable job, or a job that I REALLY LIKE, or something. I'm scared of failing, of not being able to do what I think I could have done. Of not keeping up with everyone's expectations and success. Or worse, not keeping up with my own expectations and not achieving anything at all. Oh yeah, one more thing, I also don't want to grow old not finding my "place". I'm not talking about finding my purpose or something, but the very thing, skill, or talent that I can/will offer the companies (fine, the world).
Dr. Mendoza, our teacher in Sci.10, told us before that science, or discovery/invention (i forgot which one it is) is like serendipity - its when readiness and opportunity meets. I'm basically scared of not finding my way to that point where my readiness and the world of opportunities meet.
We're getting really old. Imagine, I'm actually concerned about my future/career. Before, we talked only of things that doesn't really affect us. Now, we talk about anything and everything that moves around us because they affect us even in the littlest ways.
Liz
i changed the original layout picture,so, this one'sby me...shhhhh.
