FRIDAY. Party. In 10 mins. 2 vodka ice. Dinner, a little bit of chicken, pork, beef, and rice. 3rd vodka ice. Rest. BUT! Tequila called out to me. No one can ever say "no" to tequila. Round shots. Not everyone drank. 4 shots, not in shot glasses (1/3 of water goblets/glasses in formal dinners=1 shot) yes.yes. next thing i know. i messed up the sala floor.good thing not on the carpet. i ranted. i kept on saying freaking-f***ing frustrated. blah. blah. did i mention his name? i don't remember. they helped me through the washroom. threw up. then cried. i couldn't breathe. i cried. there were real tears. its not just the alcohol. it was really me. i felt the pain, disappointment and the frustration flowing out of me. i'm losing all strength and energy, wanting to just fall down. my blockmates, almost half of my blockmates who went, were there to almost carry me just for me not fall down. i broke down. first ever. i cried to my friends before, but i never totally broke down. when i get tipsy--->drunk, i speak in english. i don't get it either, but maybe english is easier to say,more effortless because of the syllables. instead of "AYAW KO, just say NO". instead of "wag mong hawakan buhok ko, say >>dnt toch my hair" get it? anyways. that was the highlight of my night. my blockmates told me that "kaya mo naman eh, kulang lang sa pacing" I totally agree. I drank too much within a very short period of time. Mathematically, my rate of drinking was too fast. errr... I was not planning to get wasted. I just... I don't know... I realized one thing. I'm numb>>>not really.... "I'm just not ready to feel any love, yet" I tried really, but I still can't let go completely. Maybe I already have, but there's still a part of me that pushes other possibilities away. I'm not ready. I don't know when I will be again. Just not now.
Liz
i changed the original layout picture,so, this one'sby me...shhhhh.
