so many good things have happened.
i can't even keep track of them.well LIZ,you shouldn't in the first place!
i'm pretty much done with the analyzing and emo moments. its tiring and draining. well, DUH lizet! no one told you to analyze?! no one said you needed to reflect on evry single detail or event of your day.
well, yeah, i knew that! but i can't help it. i keep myself busy.when i say busy, its BUSSSSSY. i became active in this org event i wasn't originally part of. i trained for flag football, as if there's gonna be no more other trainings. i studied for tests. i finished a book. im currenlty reading a new book.i'm watching tv.i rest and sleep.i never let an idle time pass. I MUST DO SOMETHING, EVERY SECOND,MINUTE,HOUR.
but even before my eyes close, my mind suddenly pushes a playback button of my day's experiences.
i see again these familiar faces. i feel again my anger, impatience, skepticism,ignorance,stupidity,and loneliness.these are enough to make your mind work again.these are enough to make me formulate new observations, theories about people, and conclusions. these are enough to hear myself crying again.
i have a friend.he told me it frustrates him when he sees someone cry.he feels like he needs to do something to help her/him.this made me think, which wasn't new at all.
why do i love to cry so much?is it because i find comfort in the fact that "i'm crying,and im letting it all out"?
or is it because i love the sympathy/attention i get from others?
i complain that no one seems to trust me with their depressing concerns,down moments,etc, when i can't even stop and control myself from my own life's drama.
this friend of mine.he kinda gave me an idea of how it is to be cried to.i wouldn't really know because i can count with my one hand the number of time someone cried to me.most of the time, im doing all the emo stuff.
i realized i have been selfish for keeping my own pains, then resorting to crying. then act as if people didn't try to care about and for me.
well.the flow of thought disappeared, so i really don't know what to say now.I'M HAPPY WITH MY DECISION. A or B? well, there's always a C. all of the above, and a D.NOTA (none of the above). i chose D.i don't want to think about it anymore. i'm tired of weighing.
well.i wrote this days ago, and after reading it again.. hmmm... well, same pa rin naman.. pero ewan... kala ko i can take back my choice, and go for B, but then again, bumabalik lang ako sa pagiging CONFUSED. so fine, sige. I'm back to letter D. NOTA.
HAPPY HEART'S DAY. i'm not bitter, i just want some balance. if some people are soooo damn happy today, then put all the depressing and sad emotions on me... its totally fine with me...
